Keep telling yourself it's funny; you may actually believe it someday

By Greg Eichelberger, SCV Independent

When I think of all the great pairings of black and white actors, several films come to mind: "The Defiant Ones" with Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis; "In the Heat of the Night" with Sidney Poitier and Rod Steiger; "Vanishing Point" with Cleavon Little and Barry Newman; "Silver Streak" with Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, "48 Hours" with Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte; "Beverly Hills Cop" with Eddie Murphy and Judge Reinhold (I know, there was John Ashton, too) and "Lethal Weapon" with Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, to name but a few.

Heck, I even think of how great Bill Cosby and Robert Culp were all those years together in "I Spy." At no time, however, did I think - or would I EVER think - of including Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan on that list. That is especially true after viewing the duo's first (and hopefully, last) dance with one another on the big screen, "Cop Out" (to be referred to as "Crap Out" in my mind from now on).

Directed by Kevin Smith, who may have been clever at one time, but is now coming off a "Zack and Miri"-induced coma (and then there's that whole "Clerks II" and "Jersey Girl" thing ... ). Equally responsible for this heinous crime are the Cullen Brothers (NOT Coen - writers with no films to their credit but TV shows such as "Gary the Rat" and "New Car Smell").

Bruce Willis should have stayed teamed up with Mos Def or Jason Long or the Yellow Guy from "Sin City," anybody but Tracy Morgan. Willis had more chemistry with Cybil Shepard on "Moonlighting" and with Demi Moore in divorce court.

For his part, Morgan was best known for calling Lorne Michael a bitch on "SNL" and playing second banana to Tim Meadows, but somehow locked himself onto one of the funniest shows on television and now evidently hopes to ride that wave to an even bigger film career.

This role is not a good starting point. What might be a homage to those above-listed "buddy" movies in Smith's mind becomes bogged down in one of the dullest, most mindless plots since Ed Wood put his "Glen and Glenda" up on the big screen.

Whereas Sidney and Tony hated and then fought for each other, and Sidney and Rod hated and learned to respect one another, you will just hate and then continue hating New York detectives Jimmy Monroe (Willis) and Paul Hodges (Morgan) until there is no more room for hate - or, at least until the credits roll.

The ridiculous plot has Monroe needing cash for his daughter's upcoming wedding so he sells a rare baseball card for $80,000 (he needs THAT much for the nuptials?!). The last film in which the selling of baseball cards was included in the story was "Blast From the Past," but at least that picture was somewhat entertaining.

Anyway, while on his way to sell the thing, he is robbed by none other than slick crook, Dave (Seann William Scott, "American Pie," "Dukes Of Hazzard," "Mr. Woodcock"), who then, in turn, sells it to a vicious Mexican gangster, Raul (John Carlos Hernandez, who appeared in a lot of "Law & Order" episodes).

Why am I bothering to relate this ludicrous, convoluted story line, anyway?! The only reason this movie was made at all is to exploit the current "popularity" of Morgan and the somewhat - but rapidly declining - bank-ability of Willis' name on the marquee.

I don't really get Hodges' character, but if irritation and ignorance were measured on a Richter scale, I'm sure his performance would clock in at about 9.2. JFK's memorial service was funnier than Morgan in this film. If movie roles were maritime disasters, this would be the Titanic, Lusitania and Gen. Slocum all rolled into one.

I think readers get my point. As bad as Morgan is here, though, Willis is forced to play straight man to him. Not only is that humiliating, it's downright criminal.

Scenes of Monroe and Hodges abusing prisoners, screaming at each other, arguing with Dave (and then tying him to a bumper) and punching kids in the groin will probably illicit a few laughs from the younger set, but older more appreciative film-goers will long for the days when Eddie Murphy put a banana in a car's tailpipe or when Mel Gibson was constantly putting a gun in his mouth threatening suicide.

Now THOSE were funny situations. "Cop Out" only WISHES it could produce laughs like these. A few "in" jokes about past Willis films ("Die Hard," etc.) make bring a snicker or two, but nothing substantial. Save yourselves some money and rent any of the other movies mentioned in this review. You'll thank me for it.

"Cop Out" runs 107 minutes and is rated "R" for pervasive language including sexual references, violence and brief sexuality.

 

 

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